I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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