She said her name was "party"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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