You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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