Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
