The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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