Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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