An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
