My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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