So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
