didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
