my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.