Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
