Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.