Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
