For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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