The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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