Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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