Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
