You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
