i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
