There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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