I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
