I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
