In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
