Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
