someone get that fucking seahorse.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
