I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
