I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
