they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
