mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Pooping to opera.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
