So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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