Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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