Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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