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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
