i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
