i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
