Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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