doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
