you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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