at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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