I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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