guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
