we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
