I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
they need to just BURY HIM!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
