He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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