I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
