i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
