he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
