am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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