can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think I sprained my soul last night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
