you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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