according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
