well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
