Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
