So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
