I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
