So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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