neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
