May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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