I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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