I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
