They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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