It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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