hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
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Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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