So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
