i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
