Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
