I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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