A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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