Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
