I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
