Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
