Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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