Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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