he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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