oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you never un-have a 4some
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
