he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
